fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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