When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
