gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
