Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
