Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
