i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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