It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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