Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
