I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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