shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
