Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
