i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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