can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
