Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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