How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
