Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
