Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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