new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
