So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
