I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
