Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
