planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
