everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
