After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
