Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
from now on my penis is your penis
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
