i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
