garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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