Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
