I wish I could punch you in the face.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Do you have feelings for this penis?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
