Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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