he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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