you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
