in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
