Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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