the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
