1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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