He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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