I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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