DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
