NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
