Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
