oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
