K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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