I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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