My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
