First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
