haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
