Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
