dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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