i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's rum buckets o'clock
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
