It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
