I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
