Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
